Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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