I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
