You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my being single is dangerous.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
