So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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