If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
