I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
