If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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