I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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