i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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