Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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