Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
