Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
