turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
