First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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