when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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