New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
