I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
