I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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