what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize