When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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