I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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