Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
