Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
