Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
