she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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