eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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