I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
