brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
