the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
