just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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