I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
