I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize