I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
