i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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