Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish you could order shots online.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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