I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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