he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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