in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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