I bet he comes in French.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
