Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
