Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
