Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister