it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.