It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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