If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral