I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
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i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.