guess who came home with a hottie last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am spending my child support on dildos
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...