i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life