I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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