what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
