Already got asked if we're dating
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize