Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
