Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.