you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sex while Star Warsing is the best