I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you