Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know