If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Quick, to the slutcave!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face