He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra