This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.