You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.