i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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