You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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