Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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