he was CRYING into my vagina
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
