I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
