he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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