I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
