I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
